Dealing with the loss of someone you love can be extremely hard. The loss of my son Nature has brought about many feelings of hurt, disappointment, shame and unexplained feelings. Today to celebrate his 10th heavenly birthday, I decided to use this space for other women to freely express the process to healing.
The past 10 years I have learned that there is a difference between coping with grief and healing from grief. Personally I’m a person that want the feeling of hurt to leave as quick as possible. Being strong even when I feel weak is often a characteristic that can be mentally challenging and unrealistic. To cope is to face and deal with difficulties in a calm manner. However the reality is that deep down I did not want to deal with this pain calmly. Can I be honest and say I was made as HELL!!
My story to be honest is one that I will write about one day in a book. My pregnancy resulted in sickness from day one. Of course an exciting moment in life quickly turned to disaster. At 19 weeks pregnant the happiness of learning the sex of the child turned into one of the worse days of my life. I found out that Nature passed at 17 weeks, meaning that I carried him for two weeks deceased without knowledge. Simple gas pains actually turned out to be contractions. I had been in labor for over the course of a few days and did not have a clue.
From being on medication for days to just tired, the nurse assisted me with delivering Nature. The nurse prepared our family to view and spend time with him. However, the placenta was still in position and attached to me which resulted in myself hemorrhaging. I woke up a few hours later requesting to see Nature however he was already gone and discarded. The pain and anger that I felt at that moment words can not explain.
After year and years of dealing with his death, from blaming myself to questioning my womanhood I realize now that I have to not just cope with this grief. I have to heal from each moment and circumstance that steamed from his death. Here are three ways that I have learned to heal.
- Tell Your Story – As many times as you want: It is ok to tell your story over and over: Sometimes we may feel that we should not continue to say what is on our minds. We feel guilty because some people may feel that we are talking about it too much. It is 10 years later and I am still telling my testimony. Yes this is my testimony. Although many people attached to me dealt with this grief, I decided to choose how to deal with the pain by telling my story. Each time is a relief as well as a chance to help another person heal from their hurt.
- Feel your emotions: Can I be honest for just a second. I am not perfect! I make mistakes! And I get made as HELL! Yes I…I am sis and sis is I! Grief is real! One day you may be happy, the next you may be sad. Go through the pain but do not let the pain consume you. Although you are feeling your emotions, do not allow your pain to bleed on others. Heal and grow – When you feel sad, take it in but do not stay there!
- There is purpose in your pain: I have to remind myself many times when things arrive in my life that there is a purpose to why this is happening. I am not going to lie, I am a cry-baby thug. I will cry while trying to fight. But when I settle and calm down, I realize what my purpose in life is. I quickly remember that each moment creates a new reason to keep going. I learn to turn why is this happening to me to what is this teaching me. Finally asking how does this fit in with my purpose. Every tear that I cry from the loss of my son builds my purpose even greater.
As I celebrate Nature’s life, I celebrate that I am still here. I understand that this healing is a process. The process for myself will never end. This is because each emotion that I feel allows me to grow from the last one. If you have ever loss a child, a love one or something in life remember that their is purpose in your pain. And because of this pain, I have to say thank you Nature for being apart of mommy’s perfect purpose. Happy 10th Heavenly Birthday! I love you!
Until next time #PurposeSquad – Be Heal – Be Free! Live in Purpose, On Purpose!