Pause But Don't Quit

Taking a pause but not quitting seems just the opposite when you are a go-getter! It seems like you are letting everyone down who depend on your success. However, I never valued the importance of living on purpose until my purpose became unclear. I was walking, moving and being but not living. Between financial problems, relationship issues, family rocky and a unstable mind I didn’t want to go on! Yeah the “church girl” was done- Still posing pretty pictures, slaying and trying to encourage others all while my heart breaking from various relationships being broken while Im being mentally slaughtered. I really wanted things to work, I thought I had a plan but the goals and relationships that I thought should be were breaking and I was fighting for some things that was closing. Closure to some situations meant I lost and I didn’t want to accept it.

Suicide is a word that we hear a lot, but seems to be one that is swept under the rug. Especially when you are the strong one! And please don’t be the prayer warrior in your circle. You are just not expected to have those forbidden feelings of depression, sadness, loneliness, rejection! Even those that have a mandate that no matter how bad things are in your life, you are expected to encourage and motivate others using whatever platform you have. One thing about being CALLED is that you are not exempt for trials, tribulations and situations that you may say “I will never”.

Yeah I know its not often that you hear STRONG and POWERFUL individuals talk about the real issues of life, but hey I am the girl that sheds light on my experiences and most importantly how I am OVERCOMING them! Yes its a continuous fight that must be handled everyday! But it is definitely possible. Although I represent the plus size community, today I am representing women as a whole who battle the negative thoughts of life. I recently encountered thoughts that I wasn’t good enough, things were not the way I wanted them to be and the word QUIT was very common. I became overwhelmed with life. In order to fix the problem you have to understand your why!

I can remember times of driving down the road and saying, God I know you are real, but this is just not worth it. I can just end it here and no one would even care. Driving into a tree would end all the tears, disappointments and let-downs. These thoughts past through my mind all while be the one who always had an encouraging word, prayer and idea for anyone at any given moment. The feelings of guilt, shame and misunderstanding was strong. I had strong feelings about certain situations and could do nothing about it. All while my family was tearing apart, my career was not where I wanted it to be, finances was still in the building stage and I just was mad!

It was until one day a dear friend of mine said what others had been telling me for a while, but I believe this person. The conversation was simply, I love you but you have to take control of this thing yourself. Your too gifted, your too needed to allow things to fall apart. Sometimes what we think is meant to be, really isn’t a forever thing. Sometimes we tend to hold on to things that cause pain not because it someones fault but because we are stubborn and don’t realize that the season is done. I was sent a video that help boost my mental viewpoint. I was overwhelmed for these three reasons.

Unorganized – There has to be structure and a strategic way of doing things so you will no how and when to do things.
Learning to Say NO! – There is no way that you can be at every event, complete everyone’s request and complete your to-do list and stay sane!
Can you focus on me? – Me as in ME, MYSELF and I and its perfectly find to do! Focusing on yourself helps you to put in perspective the most important things in life to keep you on track to your purpose.

Understand that when you start to focus on what others believe, think or say you will bombard your mental space with negative thoughts. Y’all already know what I say – People gone be people and God gone be God. Im so glad that I decided to listen to my circle and dear friend and take control early and fast. Questions like did you pray? Did you tell your Pastor? Did you go to church? This time has taught me that there IS power in your tongue and sometimes you have to fight these battles yourself. I mean are we going to stay babies forever—NAH!!

Poooohhhh, I had to take a pause, but you better believe aint no quit in me baby! I learn to evaluate my failures and embrace and love them. When your a threat (to people and/or the enemy) they will always use scenarios or come up with their own stories about you in order to make their situation comfortable for themselves. No matter how many pretty pictures I take–and they be pretty lol, how many people look up to me, how many prayers I pray, how many people I push, I am going to fail at something. And its ok! Testimonies are only made during the test. How can I learn how to elevate to another level of success if I do not understand how to be thankful through the times that wasn’t a success. In this process I learned to weed out the people that were connected to me that always celebrated my failures but forgot to cheer during my successes. This is because I began focusing on making them proud instead of making myself understand MY journey!

So listen Pooh, let my mini test be an encouragement to you! Its ok that things are not the way you want them. Its ok that the relationships that you thought would be forever ended. Its ok that you didn’t get the promotion. Its ok that you are still working on that brilliant idea. And its durn show ok that people have an opinion about you! Don’t you let nothing or no-one stop you from your purpose! There is purpose in the pain that your going through. My only request, is make sure you SLAY all while going through. I mean it was only right that I just slip on this kimono and get back on the grind. You don’t have to look like worriation baby. Get you rump up, beat your face, take a breather and a picture and keep pushing. What your “IT” is may have paused you but it didn’t break you!

Pause But Don’t Quit

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